This is usually where the author tells you about all the trials and tribulations it took to finally arrive here.

This is where they list accolades. Where they dress up the years spent feeling undeserving in their own flesh and call it a journey.

I want to kill the noise.
I want to kill the smoke and mirrors.

This is where I anonymously give you a burnt sacrifice —
my sins, my heart, my secrets, my glory, and my shit.

All of my shit.

And hopefully it stays this way.

Hopefully you read this and judge me.
Hopefully you read this and learn from every mistake.
Hopefully you read this and also learn not to get stiletto nails and try a diva cup for the first time.

Hopefully this reminds you that you aren’t as alone as I feel sometimes.

I hope you look for me in every woman.

My anonymity should mean nothing — because I am now your sister.
Ready to stress you out, annoy the crap out of you, and make all the choices you never would.

If you made it through this blistering introduction, I should probably introduce myself.

Hi.
My name is Poundcake.